


I'm Just a Shadow

by flibbertygigget



Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: Gen, body horror?, kink meme prompt, themes of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4605618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For this prompt: http://tgwtg-meme.livejournal.com/1329.html?thread=1744177#t1744177</p><p>"What's wrong with me?"</p><p>"You're fading," the doctor said. "You're becoming a shadow."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Just a Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> All lyrics are from the song "All Your Light (Times Like These)" by Portugal. The Man

> _I'm just a shadow of a bigger man_
> 
> _Glowing brighter with each year I am_
> 
> _I was standing on a mountain_
> 
> _Just looking down on you_

This was, more than anything, a sign that Todd needed to get out more.

Todd had been feeling odd as of late. Not bad, not good, just... stretched thin, as though months of only leaving his apartment for groceries had taken a toll on his mental health. A night out was exactly what he needed.

The bartender had been ignoring him for far too long. Of course, his usual hoodie and half-hidden face sometimes made people wary, but he had never felt deliberately ignored. Todd scolded. This wasn't making him feel better, it was making him feel worse.

The bartender looked at the odd shadow that had fallen across the countertop. Then he shruggedand went back to cleaning his glasses. Todd frowned and left without buying even one beer.

> _It's like my daddy said_
> 
> _You gotta use your head_
> 
> _My body won't work for nobody but me son_

"Take seventeen," Todd said to himself, annoyed. He knew the notes to "The Thong Song," could see the way that hhis fingers would press down the keys to produce music, but for some reason it just wasn't working. About five notes in, he would miss or mess up or something, and he'd drop a note. His fingers might as well have been immaterial for all the work he was getting out of them.

"Fuck," Todd muttered, reaching for his bottle of soda. The cold surface was slightly slick on his hand. But as he brought it up to take a drink, it slid through his hand and part of his arm as though he was nothing more than a spirit. Todd stared at his hands and was surprised to find them shaking.

"I think I may have a problem," he said softly as he glanced at the soda slowly soaking the carpet.

> _All your light can't save me_
> 
> _I won't wait though my time may come_

"Todd in the Shadows?" said a nurse, frowning slightly at his odd name. Todd obediently ppopped out of the uncomfortable plastic chair and followed her into the examination room. The nurse performed a few routine tests, and then she left to give them to the doctor. Todd grumbled at the slight wait.

"What's wrong with me?" he demanded as soon as Doctor Morgan entered the room, a grim look on her face.

"You're fading," the doctor said. Todd felt a shiver run down his spine.

"But that's impossible," he said. "There has to be some kind of mistake."

"Todd, you and I both know that you aren't exactly human," Doctor Morgan said. "Quite frankly, I'm out of my depth here. I don't know why you seem to be going from in the Shadows to one of the Shadows, but I do know that this is a serious problem."

"So what's the cure?" Todd said. Doctor Morgan shook her head.

"I'm afraid it's terminal," she said. Told tried, but he couldn't even pound the wall.

> _Well I became whole again_
> 
> _Cause no one said there'd be times like these_

At least he could still review. That was what Todd tried to tell himself as he left the doctor's office, but somehow it was less comforting than he would have liked. Ever since his disastrous first date with Lupa, he had distanced himself more and more from his fellow reviewers. Acting like their friend could only bring more embarrassment and awkwardness.

Todd sat in his chair. He thought of doing a vlog explaining what was happening, but who would believe it? He wasn't Linkara, for Christ's sake. He was just him, an average reviewer who didn't want to show his face on camera. No one would believe that he was slowly becoming just a shadow, and no one cared enough to notice by themselves. He would fade from the world, leaving nothing behind.

Todd decided to go to bed. Maybe things would look better in the morning.

> _I was licking flames when I broke your reins_
> 
> _Still, no one said it'd be suicide_

It took effort to be solid, and it just wasn't worth it.

Todd didn't know the exact moment he stopped trying to exist and accepted his fate. If he had to guess, he would have said that it was when he looked in his inbox and found it empty except for an email from the Critic berating him for not getting his review in on time. No one was worried about his silence. No one gave a damn if he lived or died. So Todd stopped fighting it and let himself fade.

In a way it was nice. He didn't get looked at with fear for hiding his face. He was able to slip from shadow to shadow without being noticed. It was a lonely existence, but Todd was used to the loneliness. At least this way no one bothered him.

Sometimes, by accident, he would step into the light. Then even his shadow body would be made almost invisible, and Todd would have to fight to keep a tentative hold on reality and get back into the shadows. Sometimes Todd wondered why he bothered. To slip away would be so simple, so easy, and it wouldn't really make a difference in the long run. No one noticed him now, not even himself, so he could see no good reason not to allow the light to overtake him.

Todd didn't let the light destroy him, but he never found that good reason.

> _All your light can't save me_
> 
> _I won't wait though my time may come_

Todd heard a faint knocking on the door. "Todd?" said the Nostalgia Chick's voice. "Todd, I want to talk to you!"

Todd closed his eyes. It didn't matter. It was too late for him to stop fading.

 


End file.
